February 20, 2015

From the bird's-eye view.

As I start packing my soul for another change of scenery, the feelings start to get overwhelmingly familiar... 

My life is suddenly on a bird's-eye view again and I stand on the outside of my own self, observing the people that make my present days, go on and move on without me. 

Standing on a corner I shut everything down and let myself go on auto-pilot... 
The reinvention of everything seems ridiculous at these moments when the warmth of my habits, my people, my daily routines, seem fundamental. However, I know this comfort brings no true peace as it leaves no chance for improvement or for the elevation of the spirit.

On this journey towards a version of me that seems almost unattainable , I feed on the conquest of these new levels of discomfort the cross-over brings. 
I dread the knowing pain of letting go and yet it keeps me moving... it keeps me changing, adapting, progressing... Striving forevermore for growth, knowledge and awareness. 

Sounds almost masochistic... And it does feel achingly cruel!

For now, as I flirt, restless, with the edge of a new abyss, life seems suspended in this eerie aura of thick air and crushing emotions... everything feels like a slow-motioned goodbye and the tears start to blur my vision too often...

...And while deliberately overcoming this lingering feelings of fear, I overcome myself once more... in a cycle that will keep me on an everlasting quest... 
Never content, always adapting.
Never resigned, always tolerant.
Never complacent, always myself.

"So i will follow the feeling
And sing fever to the form
Oh my fever to the form

Cos' the very thing you're afraid, afraid of
It keeps you clean but unclear
Clean but unclear

Is the dirt that you're made, you're made of
And thats nothing to fear
No, its nothing my dear."
                                               Nick Mulvey