September 18, 2014


There's always a reason, I remember you telling me, for things to happen the way they do. 
As I look closely in my own eyes, starring at an otherwise empty mirror, it finally sinks in. 

I am now definitely, again, one. 
Whole. Unafraid. Comfortable, after seeing you depart, with the once terrifying idea of loss, of change, of loneliness. Serene with the certainty of the lingering emotions of lost love. 

I remain a vulnerable human being and yet, I know I might fall but my soul will remain standing. Tall. 

I live again, now, fully awake, fully aware. 
I live in the present and I know it won't always be paradise, but love may be to me, once more, not only a forgettable instant... 
Love will hurt and I may cry... but that is sometimes all that is. Life. 
I won't run and I won't bluff... I won't disguise myself as a wolf when I can't howl, nor a happy loner I don't want to become. 
I won't avoid love and I won't avoid pain, for not loving would be, in itself, the ultimate symbol of sorrow... a supreme ache.
I want to breath in each moment of every simple gesture, of every small word.
I want to give the due value to each detail. Admire the simplest things... The most mundane instants. Mindfully transforming the ordinary in extraordinary, in happy surprises of appreciation. 

It can’t be just because I am widely aware of my human imperfections and the risk I take of not finding someone who would understand my spirit, that I can let myself abandon or modify the ideals of true kindness, true compassion, true love. 
Just because it is not doable with faultlessness or certainty, I will not start fearing to reveal my weaknesses. 

I want to live every minute being, faithfully, myself, without the need of finding, within me, the switch that could shut it all down... that can shut my heart out. 

And there will come a day, maybe, when I'll whisper him to stay. Holding me tight, feeling every heartbeat of mine, he won't want to see me fall. 

And as one I will embrace, hopeful, that other one... 

"What do you say
Is this the time
For one more try
At a happy life?

So what do you say
Is it unwise
To think my fears
Will not reprise?"