March 14, 2014

Love can't be found.

Time and peace make us understand that everything is relative, not only to time itself and space, but also the momentary shape of our own heart.

Energy, feelings, emotions, can be greater than life, yet people can be as insignificant as a bored second.

As he called me his raven-haired beam I knew he would never know me but would always love me. I also knew he would leave as quickly as he had whispered little poems in my ear.

To the bodies that followed him, there was no hope. I felt them cold as we shared the night, though their skin felt warm next to mine. As they laid there I wondered how useless this replacement figures could be… there was no pulse, no heart, just a substitute form and an empty soul. 
I kept my eyes shut, trying not to see but his dark, gypsy eyes, his contoured shoulders and his strong hands holding my whole body. But there was nothing. No depth. A void only. A big and absolutely empty void.

I stopped. I cut all ties. I cried.
I used my tears as a cleansing elixir, a liberating potion for soul, body and mind. I needed to get rid of all the negative in me, all the rotten corners of my spirit… get it all through to the outside of me, exorcized in all those sobs of sorrow and relief.
I cried yet again.

As he stopped being the poem I had written, a time finally came to dance to the music that was playing.
No wishes. No fears. No reservations.
Just love.

That very second, as I wiped my tears, taking a deep breath, I felt love in its purest form and realized, surprised, one can't search for it.

Love is. Everyday. In every jaded second and every falling leaf. In every red sunset by the sea and in the ones hiding behind dark clouds. In the crying newborn and the mumbling old lady. In two lovers kissing and a lonely heart fighting. All is love. It can be felt but it is useless to search for it.

Love can’t be found.
Love just is.


"Won't you open a window sometime.
 What's so wrong with the light.
 We throw our shadows down
 we must throw our shadows down
 we live and throw our shadows down
 it's how we get around
 in the sun."

                                         Angel Olsen