May 13, 2013

The love that remains.

When time shows you, cruelly, that it is not an unchanged variable; when distance increases the space between; when death claims its own, our love is suddenly all alone. What do we do with the love that remains, the one-sided passion that haunts every good memory there is of times that will no longer be?  How do you forget?

How do you forget someone you love? How do you forget someone you don’t want to forget, when reminiscing is more painful than the abrupt end you had to face? What do you do with what brought you to this loss? How to not be paralysed when your love was all locked safe with the one that is no longer there? How do you forget?

Outside your window everything happens fast. People rush to their jobs, to their appointments... through their life. The world spins madly on and no one wants to waste a moment to just feel. Overcoming the pain of the love that is not longer there takes time though; a time that needs to be honored. The time it takes to go through the worst in us to get to the best we all have inside. The time it takes to hurt so we can actually stop being sad. The time it takes for our heart to live it all before it can kill it all. The time it takes to remember before we can start to forget.

There is no other way to forget but slowly. Patiently. Painfully. It takes time to forget. Memories prevail even when they are meant to fade. Bear it. Give time its value. Stand the pain, the headache and the heartache. Be sad. Be alone. Mourn. There can be pills and friends and books and drinks, advices and words and distractions and different beds to wake up on with different faces telling us all the same stories… Nothing will achieve more than a drunk numbness of regret. Memories need respect to die away.

The love that remains, the abyssal hole left by the one who left, can only be mended after duly grieved and duly revered. It’s a pain that we must accept. A shattering ache that possesses our body and spirit and that has no easy solution… no sense… no justice. It’s love and death, birth and eternity… Accept it with the faith you accept all that lacks logic. Search for the answers within yourself. Let your heart run free and it will eventually settle. Hopefully. Quietly. On its own.

"I was salted by your hunger,
Now you've gone and lost your appetite
And a
little bird is every bit as handy in a fight.
I am lonely as a memory
Despite the gathering round the fire.
Aren't you every bird on every wire?

When the time comes,
And rights have been read,
I think of you often
But for once I meant what I said."

                                     Lisa Hannigan.